Random Musings from the Funny Girl Or How to Make the Most of Multiple Personality Disorder
Available NOW in Trade Paperback & All eFormats

I need to find my resting pulse. Because, as near as I can tell, Iíve misplaced it somewhere.

See, I have to do this medical-type thing for insurance Ė to get money. Believe me, thatís the only reason why I go near medical anything. And part of the thing is that I have to figure out my resting pulse. OnlyÖI canít find it.

I mean, I know how to find it. I know which fingers to use and where to press and everything. They even provide clear instructions with pictures. And unless youíre supposed to press so hard you stop the flow of blood completely, Iím doing it right.

OnlyÖno pulse. At all. And yet, here I am talking, walking about, eating, sleeping, typing. All without a pulse.

So, my question is Ė did I turn into an undead and just donít know it? And, if thatís what's happened, how is it I missed all the fun stuff normally associated with this kind of transition?

I mean, no vampire swooped in, swept me off my feet, and proposed eternal life along with some serious necking. No werewolf panted up and humped my leg. I think someone would have mentioned if Iíd gotten a love bite from a zombie, though the difference in the morning hours between me and a zombie is mostly skin tone. No ghostly visitations, no warlock waving his wand around, not even any witches hissing at me. I have no pulse and yet at the same time, no fun story to show for it, either.

Unlifeís not fair, is it?

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